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You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)
What's YOUR Writing Style?
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Awwww Cutie! Love You!
 
 
If Today was Perfect there would be no Need for Tomorrow.
DESIDERATA
GO PLACIDLY AMID THE NOISE AND THE HASTE,
AND REMEMBER WHAT PEACE THERE MAY BE IN SILENCE.
AS FAR AS POSSIBLE, WITHOUT SURRENDER,
BE ON GOOD TERMS WITH ALL PERSONS.
SPEAK YOUR TRUTH QUIETLY AND CLEARLY;
AND LISTEN TO OTHERS,
EVEN TO THE DULL AND IGNORANT;
THEY TOO HAVE THEIR STORY.
AVOID LOUD AND AGGRESSIVE PERSONS;
THEY ARE VEXATIOUS TO THE SPIRIT.
IF YOU COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS,
YOU MAY BECOME VAIN OR BITTER,
FOR ALWAYS THERE WILL BE GREATER AND
LESSER PERSONS THAN YOURSELF.
ENJOY YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS AS WELL AS YOUR PLANS.
KEEP INTERESTED IN YOUR OWN CAREER,
HOWEVER HUMBLE, IT IS A REAL POSSESSION
IN THE CHANGING FORTUNES OF TIME.
EXERCISE CAUTION IN YOUR BUSINESS AFFAIRS,
FOR THE WORLD IS FULL OF TRICKERY.
BUT LET THIS NOT BLIND YOU TO WHAT VIRTUE THERE IS;
MANY PERSONS STRIVE FOR HIGH IDEALS,
AND EVERYWHERE LIFE IS FULL OF HEROISM.
BE YOURSELF.
ESPECIALLY DO NOT FEIGN AFFECTION.
NEITHER BE CYNICAL ABOUT LOVE;
FOR IN THE FACE OF ALL ARIDITY AND DISENCHANTMENT,
IT IS AS PERENNIAL AS THE GRASS.
TAKE KINDLY THE COUNSEL OF THE YEARS,
GRACEFULLY SURRENDERING THE THINGS OF YOUTH.
NURTURE STRENGTH OF SPIRIT TO
SHIELD YOU IN SUDDEN MISFORTUNE.
BUT DO NOT DISTRESS YOURSELF WITH DARK IMAGININGS.
MANY FEARS ARE BORN OF FATIGUE AND LONELINESS.
BEYOND A WHOLESOME DISCIPLINE,
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF.
YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE
NO LESS THAN THE TREES AND THE STARS;
YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE.
AND WHETHER OR NOT IT IS CLEAR TO YOU,
NO DOUBT THE UNIVERSE IS UNFOLDING AS IT SHOULD.
THEREFORE BE AT PEACE WITH GOD,
WHATEVER YOU CONCEIVE HIM TO BE.
WHATEVER YOUR LABOURS AND ASPIRATIONS,
IN THE NOISY CONFUSION OF LIFE,
KEEP PEACE IN YOUR SOUL.
WITH ALL ITS SHAM, DRUDGERY AND BROKEN DREAMS,
IT IS STILL A BEAUTIFUL WORLD.
BE CHEERFUL.
STRIVE TO BE HAPPY.
<![CDATA[<bgsound src="http://www.msealsmusic.com/msealsmusic/user/music/Bloody_Romance.WMA" loop=1 hidden="true">]]>
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Sep 9, 2003
Psychology Experiment
Simply indicate which in the group of words works best as an antonym for the word given (Hint: All the given words mean basically the same thing, pick which you like best).
1. Good 2. Pretty
Bad Ugly
Lousy Repugnant
Substandard Hideous
3. Wound 4. Give
Convalescent Burgle
Healing Exfiltrate
Restored Rob
5. Join 6. Sweet Sound
Ostracize Din
Cut Jarring
Avoid Cacophony
7. Exchange 8. To the Point
Reciprocate wordy
Swap long-winded
Retaliate verbose
9. Peaceful 10.Sunny
Halcyon Crepuscular
Dim Gloomy
Dismal Twilight Posted at 08:01 pm by WiccanAeryn
Sep 8, 2003
Bored while avoiding important things
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Yeah boredom is a killer especially when I have stacks of homework to do. I'm not kidding it's a bad thing when you have to fill the margins of your planner to get everything to fit.
Um anywho doing better from last night's parental freak out but it's all good.
Oh and for anyone in ORLANDO big news
There's going to be a one-man play of Dracula!!!
Which is going to be great! Oh and I'm stuck trying to do an infomercial on the parasympathetic system so our product has a contracting bladder as one of it's effect so try selling that off as a good point lol. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know lol!
uhhhh Other news is that myh novel will be updated sometime this month sorry everyone just shut up I don't have time to update everyday anymore. Yell at my AP teachers and the fact that I'm way behind in online math.
Okay now I'm just getting depressed on how much homework I have so on to better things.
I went out with Pip yesturday which was of course wonderful. Though "The Order" was a horrible movie at least what I saw and Heath Ledger never should have starred in it. Not that I didn't like the rugged look on him...just no. But it was nice finding a cool secluded spot away from all the crazy kids on skateboards and bicycles. And Mallory you can just shut up I'm allowed to be Pip oriented and stop giving me that look!
Ummm I guess that's all for today.
  
Good Enough-Sarah McLachlan
Hey your glass is empty
it's a hell of a long way home
why don't you let me take you
it's no good to go alone
I never would have opened up
but you seemed so real to me
after all the bullshit I've heard
it's refreshing not to see
I don't have to pretend
she doesn't expect it from me
Don't tell me I haven't been good to you
don't tell me I have never been there for you
don't tell me why
nothing is good enough
Hey little girl would you like some candy
your momma said that it's OK
The door is open come on outside
no I can't come out today
it's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
and threw you to the ground
who's there that makes you so afraid
you're shaken to the bone
and I don't understand
you deserve so much more than this
So don't tell me why
he's never been good to you
don't tell me why
he's never been there for you
don't you know that why
is simply not good enough
so just let me try
and I will be good to you
just let me try
and I will be there for you
I'll show you why
you're so much more than good enough...
Posted at 07:17 pm by WiccanAeryn
Sep 7, 2003
The family screw-up does it again, I don't know how I can be the pride and joy of the family while being the black sheep at the same time. None of them have ever done as well in school as me but then none of them have messed up or been yelled at as much as I have. Though growing up it was always my brother who got in trouble I worked to hard to impress the omnious person known as my Dad.
My parents never agree on what to do with me, my Mom knows me a bit better but even that isn't enough for her to be able to govern my life the way she does. My mother is known for her temper and often yells my Dad into submission.
I never like the fact that they criticize me but I'd prefer they'd do that then become so angry at each other over me, not that they don't deserve to feel pain once and awhile as with everyone I prefer it to be me and not them.
It's this insane desire to impress my Dad to the point where he'd actually notice me it was causes me to obsess over every mistake I have ever made. I never forget them just every once an awhile random screw come to mind and cause me to shake.
Everything I do I screw up, and everything I say is wrong
Everything I do I screw up, and everything I say is wrong
I can't do anything to please you
You've made me feel like this too long
But I wont feel like this for you
But I wont take this constant abuse
You always point your finger at me
Now I'm pointing one back at you
From the first time I met you
You always said that I was no good
From the first time I met you
You always said that I was no good
Can do no right, but I wish you could
But I wont feel like this for you
But I wont take this constant abuse
You always point your finger at me
Now I'm pointing one back at you
I can't do anything to please you
You've made me feel like this too long
But I wont feel like this for you
But I wont take this constant abuse
You always point your finger at me
Now I'm pointing one back at you
Everything I do I screw up
Everything I do I screw up
Everything I do I screw up
Everything I do I screw up
Everything I do I screw up
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Posted at 08:38 pm by WiccanAeryn
Sep 6, 2003
I am bored and avoiding my homework so here I am updating to all of you. Most of you are probably going to start complaining that I didn't update yesturday oh dear the world will die. Hey I at least updated the side bar.
I've come to the decision that I take too much for granted. I could mention that I take my large house, my possesions or even my family for granted, because really I could do without all of that. No offense to my family they are great but they're always second to some things.
My friends, well those that know this about me, view me as a rather singular person, I don't know why. I simply take pleasure in things that most people experience everyday and never notice. I've always been the one among my friends who took more pleasure in watching others have fun rather than partaking it in myself.
A reason for this? I realize that life is meant to be experienced and never watched and don't get me wrong I have fun all the time with my friends, it's just when you take a step back and look at everything as though it were a picture you begin to realize that simple things are not so simple.
Perhaps one of my favorite things to do, when I find myself completely contented is when I'm sitting out on the dock or off driving somewhere sitting in the backseat. You can take away every sense but sight and fianlly begin to see things as no one else can, the intricate detail in the trees, sliding gently back and forth in the breeze, the expressions on strangers as they rush to where ever they are going.
In that instant you feel as if you know all the people you pass by and feel as if all their experiences are yours and for one moment you are no different from they or anyone else. If you view everything as a picture, not to be interpreted, not be judged, simply to be seen you will realize exactly what it's trying to say and life will be the better for it.
My great-grandmother wrote about that in her journal once and when I read it, it sounded like a load of nonsense to me, which at the time was strange because I usually agreed with her on all of her thoughts, but now I am slowly understanding what she meant.
Who I am
If I live to be a hundred
and never see the seven wonders
that'll be alright
if I don't make it to the big leagues
if I never win a grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'cause I know exactly who I am
CHORUS
I am rosemary's granddaughter
the spitting image of my father
when the day is done, my momma's
still my biggest fan
sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
but I've got friends that love me
and they know just right where I stand
it's all a part of me
that's who I am
so when I make a big mistake
when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'cause nothin' changes who I am
I am rosemary's granddaughter
the spitting image of my father
when the day is done, my momma's
still my biggest fan
sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
but I've got friends that love me
and they know just right where I stand
it's all a part of me
that's who I am
I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I am young and I am able
I am rosemary's granddaughter
the spitting image of my father
when the day is done, my momma's
still my biggest fan
sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
but I've got friends that love me
and they know just right where I stand
it's all a part of me
that's who I am
that's who I am
Posted at 03:19 pm by WiccanAeryn
Sep 4, 2003
Alright mark today on your calendars everyone I actually had fun today.First of all the school had it's second fire drill in two days. They really should just stop teasing us and burn the school down already.
English was fun to because we had a discussion on the reading which is apparently how we'll always do it which is really cool. French was the same laid back way it always is. Environmental was alright nothing good or bad cept my dissing Crawford. (Note: Never tell teacher he can't throw the day before a test) Pysch was cut short cuz of the fire drill so that was good. The drill was at lunch so it gave me extra time with Pip which is always good. History is great especially since Mallory is there and then Teaching is always fun.
Now after school is what you'll all be surprised to hear. I willingly watched Anime now I know I've said I won't do it anymore especially after Paul's birthday and watching endless hours of Cowboy Beebop with Chris. But hey it's much more enjoyable in Japanese and well Pip was there. ;-) Not to mention there's a club that's more laid back than metalworks which I find truely amazing lol.
Let's see what else do I have to tell you. Currently I am eating rice pudding with brown sugar and some cheese. My mom apparently cleaned my room so that it is no longer a lovebug graveyard which is good lol.
Well I guess that's it just some pics and lyrics left:
        
 
Take My Hand-Dido
Touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking,
Take my hand and show me where we're going
Lie down next to me, look into my eyes
And tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing
So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling,
What you feel now is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you,
I'll always be alone, if I'm lying to you
See my eyes, they carry your reflection,
Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart
And show me, show me what you're doing
So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling,
What you feel is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you,
I'll always be alone, if I'm lying to you
Take your time, if I'm lying to you,
I know you'll find that you believe me, you believe me
Feel the sun on your face and tell me what you're thinking
Catch the snow on your tongue and show me how it tastes
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you,
I'll always be alone, if I'm lying to you
Take your time and if I'm lying to you,
I know you'll find that you believe me, you believe me
Posted at 05:23 pm by WiccanAeryn
Sep 3, 2003
Hmmm I really don't know how to start this today but heck I"ve got those annoying thoughts in my head. I'm going mainly with the fact that things that happened last year are taking this annoying habit of coming back to haunt me. Obviously having two classes a day with Asha hasn't been fun, but we've each gone our separate ways which is really good, yeah yeah you guys can all shut up about that you know how I am.
Other than that seeing Jen today was weird I still remember when she was all conked out over Valentino and then Chino. But then Chino was an interesting guy he used to do all his little Asian fighting moves on my lawn because apparently it was very soft. It was fun having the guys come over nearly everyday, well Asha usually came too and Sophia for as long as she could avoid her psycho dad. Though still regret being dumb enough to watch all the American Pies with them, I still blame Asha for leaving me like five minutes into the first one. Though since I knew Chino so well it really surprised me when he started going with Jen, because no one was more opposite of the type of girl he always described wanting. Lol a description which included Asian with green eyes.
Paul well Paul is always coming back to haunt me, going through my rooms the other day, I came across the picture. Yes all of you know the one I'm talking about. Doesn't look quite like I remember it but then he has pictures of me that aren't quite like I remember myself, or anyone else for that matter. Yes Paul played a major role in all of my not too proud moments, pretty sad how they can all be clumped together into one year. But then I deserved it for not dumping him once I knew what was really going on with him. I still lay claim that someone corrupted him because he wasn't like that when I started loving him, he couldn't have been. Although Asha didn't help with all her swears that the two of us were meant to be together and that everything would work out. She even made plans to make my wedding dress, Pip you know the one.
Enough about him, I've talked more about him more than he deserves the past few months, and I do believe that some of those memories are a bit rose-colored.
Let's see what else was bad last year, obviously the whole attempted suicide and the emergency counseling and those long fights with my parents, yeah none of us want to relieve the journals of those days. The fight with Cela over my writing wasn't my best day but well I love her like family so well I can overcome anything from her, even that. I know it didn't seem that way the day of, and really it might make me out to be a hypocrite because I'll take that from her and I won't take the whole bitch detention thing from Asha. Which really I shouldn't have taken to heart like I did and if that had been all we would have made up long ago but stubborness allowed plenty else to happen in the months following. That and when I'm friends with someone I can overlook their flaws no matter how much they irk me, as you all know, but afterwards they become much more annoying and much more distorted to the point where the friendship seems no longer comprehendable.
ummm let's see I suppose that's all for today I might continue more tomorrow.
"You Don't Know What Love Is"
You say I'm aggressive, too possessive
It's too soon, too much
You want to wait around, slow it down, but I'm burnin' up
What can I do to get through to you, I know that you're the one
'Cause there's no controllin' this emotion, it's bigger than us
You don't know what love is
If you think that I can fight this feeling
Keep my true heart from revealing
Everything inside
You don't know what love is
If you hear me say your mine forever
Feel our two hearts beat together
And think you can resist
You don't know what love is
It's soft and gentle, it's sentimental
Can't you feel it too
There's no denyin' or compromising, it's perfectly true
It's overpowering, it's all around me when I'm around you
You don't know what love is
If you think that I can fight this feeling
Keep my true heart from revealing
Everything inside
You don't know what love is
If you hear me say your mine forever
Feel our two hearts beat together
And think you can resist
You don't know what love is
I see you smile and I'm sure I've found it
Heaven knows there's just no doubt about it now
You don't know what love is
If you think that I can fight this feeling
Keep my true heart from revealing
Everything inside
You don't know what love is
If you hear me say your mine forever
Feel our two hearts beat together
And think you can resist
You don't know what love is
Posted at 08:52 pm by WiccanAeryn
Sep 2, 2003
Okay does everyone get the idea? I swear years ago they all worked together to devise the world's worst torture for the generations to come. I mean come on if we really wanted to learn any of this we would do it on our own and be the better for it. Here's the rundown on how horrible today was:
A Day in the Life of a School Captive
First Period:AP English
Pretty much a BS essay test on the summer reading that anyone with access to spark notes could have passed.
Second Period: French 2 Honors
Have yet to figure out how this classifies as an actual class, for we have yet to do anything in class but go over the way too easy homework and take a random quiz on stuff we learned this time last year. The rest of the period is pretty much doing whatever you want.
Third Period: AP Environmental Science
Another class I have yet to figure out the point to. We just got our books and our frist assignment but low and behold the computers are down and apparently he did not know that beforehand so the assignment cannot be collected sorry for those of you who spent the hour and a half doing it. The teacher has yet to rediscover the purpose of pencil and paper.
Fourth Period: AP Pyschology
Ah a class where we actually do work once and awhile. Today's assignment was designing an experiment and enacting it over the next month. My group refuses to decide on anything, because well every idea we come up with may cause them to do work or incriminate them as being a prep so even if it ends up getting done it will be a very biased experiment. Why are people that stupid and lazy in AP?!?!
Fifth Period: AP United States History
A class consisting of doing cheesy assignments and taking notes. No free will needed for the class, simply copy, outline and define. You can do that much hey you pass the class with at least a B. (You need good drawing skills for an A)
Sixth Period: Exploratory Teaching
A class where we pretty much hang out doing random interesting activities no actual work involed but since the class is so hard, the teacher is working to make it an honors course.
Therefore I have come to the conclusion that there is no purpose to education, it's simply a ruse to make you think you're learning something but you are really not. Though on days like today where I'm sick and feel terrible well then it's ok. lol The one highlight of the day (besides spending lunch with Thomas) was being given permission from Justin to slit my wrists. Man on a day like today that sounds like a very good idea, damn Thomas having to be all cute and nearly squeezing me to death to get away from Justin. Why does he have to complicate things...Paul never did. But then again as much as I love him it's only been a week he wouldn't miss me that much...
Steph/Aeryn
Sun
Light pours forth on blinded eyes.
I face the truth of my demise.
I'll not resist, though pain is strong -
The ending notes of one last song.
Deprived of thought, my mind is numb.
At last this final day has come.
The hand of death wraps 'round my throat
As devils cloaked in sorrow float
Around my body, scorched by sin,
But I won't let the demons in.
The image of your face appears.
I cannot wipe away your tears.
They fall so gently to the ground
And say so much yet make no sound.
I reach out toward the brilliant sky.
I've lived enough. Now let me die.
Posted at 04:38 pm by WiccanAeryn
Sep 1, 2003
Bad Nights lead to Bad Mornings
Yes well hopefully I can prove that wrong tomorrow or today or whatever. I'm going to stop answering my cell unless it's someone that I know has good news because otherwise yeah, for those of you who want to know what happened here's another one of my cryptic song answers
"Pre-Medicated Murder"
More times than five
I've been right here by your side
Still Wondering....Where did you go?
Walk down the hall in a mental menacle
Don't want to be 'round
When you take yourself out
But I have more vigor than this
Step to the plate to swing and miss
And it's a complicated life
When "how you live, is how you die"
Looks like your soul is connected to the wall
A photgraph stands by the bed
Of better times, when we crubled with our spine
But lived the next day...and put the Malice away
That's when I noticed the drip
Ignored the line that didn't skip
It seemed the blue suburban sky
turned to gray, polluted night
So now you sleep inside the space.
A bed of roses, the thorns are placed
No more sleepless nights just for me
But as for you, a memory.
Posted at 07:11 pm by WiccanAeryn
New Journal - Sorry Same Me
Yes I know, most of you won't be too happy with me, but hey I needed a place to expand my horizons. That and the fact that half of you wanted me to move and the other half wanted me to stay well yeah you people enjoy putting me in those positions.
Well the decision was made when I found this place, seems like a place where I can really have fun, so sorry all I'm staying. But like I promised seeing how most of you got here, the address will now be in my profile. See everyone wins for half of you I move, for the other half I begin the horrible process of posting my life for anyone curious enough to see.
In any case lets get on with what you all came here for, my delusional friends who are still curious about the ramblings of my senseless life. Though damnit I think Thomas might end up changing that. I don't know if I'm ready for that but it appears I have no other choice.
My parents seem to like him, I know you were all in suspense over that lol. At least they don't despise him like Paul, strange I always seemed to like him more because of the hatred and the endless amount of fights we had over him. Though as you guys know that any real emotion in that relationship ended what four months into it? I don't know Alsa has the exact number she keeps track of weird things like that.
I promise not to end every journal entry with I love Thomas as I did with Paul, not because I feel any less for Thomas but more because I do not care to degrade a new relationship with such a cheerleader like practice.
What else is new, oh yes I have completely decided to BS the teaching assignment, I just hope Hemann never finds out, because she's bound to read more into my neglect to talk to my parents than really is there. They let me alone I let them alone, its my motto and you all know it.
I guess that's all for today, I have alot of homework and I don't feel like failing, though I'm not looking forward to math or to the teaching thing but it's school so somehow I will prevail.
Steph/Aeryn whatever
Posted at 09:54 am by WiccanAeryn
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